UnHuman
The series that redefined my aesthetic. The origin, the process, a recommended playlist, and insight into previous work.
Description
UnHuman is an expression of otherness, creature-hood, and duality. These images speak to the experience of being observed and objectified as a woman, from childhood to present day.
UnHuman is a comment on vanity, our perception of beauty, and the dehumanization that is objectification. It’s about the visceral desire to transform into something “unhuman”, to free oneself from identity markers, labels, classifications, and corporeal, human qualities. To exist as entity in and of itself, to twist the familiar into something sinister, while retaining a sense of beauty and mystique.
Furthermore, this work is a reaction to the harmful and regressive nature of identity politics.
The origins
This series was an accident.
Most of my long-term projects begin as accidents. That’s not to say that there is no intention or meaning behind the work at its inception, but rather that the initial image comes from a subconscious visualization and often happens on a whim. It isn’t a defined and fleshed out narrative at the offset. As I shoot and edit, and observe the work, the idea evolves, the meaning reveals itself, and the project comes to full fruition.
I began UnHuman in October of 2022. The first image, pictured above, was an experiment. Abstracting my body and face is commonplace in my self-portrait work, but I took that style a step further and erased the identifiable human elements from this image entirely, both in camera and in editing.
When shooting, the intention was to convey the feeling of separation from the self: from the flesh, from the mind. There was a yearning to disassociate, to leave the physical form and conscious reality, to disrupt what we perceive as human.
As I worked on this photo, I realized that I wasn’t finished, that there was a lot more to explore within this theme of disassociation, erasure, and humanness.
A New Chapter
My work preceding UnHuman was narrowly focused on self-discovery, healing, and addressing the mental health issues that plagued me from childhood into my twenties and early thirties. Body dysmorphia, disordered eating, depression, and anxiety were at the helm of my creative practice. Self-portraiture served as a means of expressing and purging the negativity and learning to perceive myself differently through the lens. This work, oddly enough, made me feel empowered, beautiful, and fierce. As I evolved, became more curious, and delved into spirituality, my work progressed beyond pure introspection. Although I still believe it is important to look within, that degree of rumination and self-indulgence no longer appealed to me or felt necessary. UnHuman was a new chapter.
The process
This series is my most technically ambitious to date. Prior to UnHuman, I attempted to capture at least 75% of the image in camera, relying on post-production editing to provide the final touches. But UnHuman is basically the opposite. Most of the work was done in Photoshop and Lightroom, layering 2-5 images at a time and using other digital manipulation methods to achieve the final product (absolutely no AI was used at any point for any image). Each image took between 4-20 hours to complete, not including shooting.
Photographing this project was tricky and involved a great deal of experimentation, not only with camera settings but also with poses and styling. Due to a limited, almost non-existent budget, I had to get creative and use unconventional props. For one of the images, I blew up red and beige balloons (the latter looked like condoms, which made it all the more fun) that I then taped to my body. My lungs could not handle more than one balloon at a time and even with a bit of help, it took about a week to get as many as I needed.
For other shoots, I used masks purchased at Spirit Halloween and old, ill-fitting vintage dresses and tops. The key to getting the perfect shots was precise angles, and voluminous clothing. The bigger the garment, the more I had to work with.
I initially set out to create 20 final images but landed on 14. I tried to push myself to create more, but I don’t like working within rigid parameters and guidelines. When I feel that I am done with a series, I am truly done. This felt complete.
The Playlist
I often listen to music when shooting and editing. I choose the music based on the energy I want to invoke and the vibe I want to evoke. I thought it would be fun to make a playlist to complement this series. It’s eclectic, with a blend of genres and mix of old and new. The playlist is in the order of my preferred listening flow, but each song represents a specific image, noted below. Feel free to shuffle and listen in whatever order you wish.
List of songs corresponding to images (not in recommended listening order)
UnHuman 1: Pneuma - Tool
UnHuman 2: Stream of Consciousness - Dream Theater
UnHuman 3: Telling Ghosts - Puscifer
UnHuman 4: Brena - A Perfect Circle
UnHuman 5: Mouth (The Stingray Mix/Remastered) - Bush
UnHuman 6: What do you want from me? - Bad Omens
UnHuman 7: Apocalypse - Lacuna Coil
UnHuman 8: River of Deceit - Mad Season
UnHuman 9: In the Air Tonight - In This Moment
UnHuman 10: Butterfly - Tapping the Vein
UnHuman 11: Jesus Christ Pose - Soundgarden
UnHuman 12: Head Like a Hole - NIN
UnHuman 13: Mysterons - Portishead
UnHuman 14: The Raze - The Crystal Method
All images can be viewed here
